The Masculine Response to Death and Grief: Moving Beyond the Silence

Words by Ben Gibson

Grief doesn’t have a single face. It’s not always tears and tissues, nor is it always silence or stoicism. At Life Rites Funerals, we’ve seen that how a person grieves is as individual as their fingerprint. Yet within this diversity, there are patterns, often shaped by gender, culture, and generational narratives, that still influence how people are allowed, or expected, to express their grief.

For many men, grief is a quiet companion. A weight carried inwardly. Whether through tradition, cultural expectation, or the echo of phrases like "be strong for the family," the masculine response to grief is frequently shaped by ideas of control, protection, and endurance. Sometimes at the cost of expression, connection, or vulnerability.

Unpacking the Masculine Mask

Not all men grieve in silence, but it’s common for men, particularly those raised with more traditional views of masculinity, to express grief through action rather than emotion. They might organise logistics, return to work quickly, or redirect their energy into practical tasks. While there’s nothing inherently wrong with this, it can sometimes mask what’s unspoken underneath.

Through The Mourning After podcast, We’ve had the privilege of hearing from men who are reshaping the narrative. Guests like Mark Freedman, who lost his wife Lisa, or Matthew McConnell, whose daughter Wren died at just eight days old, offer deeply personal insight into how grief can be lived and shared. These stories challenge the idea that men must "move on" quickly or grieve privately. Instead, they show us the power in speaking openly, in ritual, in remembering, and in finding new ways to stay connected to the person who has died.

These conversations also make space for queer grief, for men of colour, and for those whose responses may not fit the dominant scripts handed down by family, faith, or social norms. Ever reminding us that both grief and masculinity are not one-size-fits-all.

Between Culture, Religion, and Generation

Our responses to death are often shaped long before we experience it. Religious frameworks may offer structured rituals that guide grief. Cultural traditions may dictate what is said (or not said), what is shown (or hidden), and who takes on certain roles after a death.

For men raised within certain religious or cultural traditions, there may be strong, even beautiful, support systems, but also restrictions. The expectation to be “the rock” of the family can isolate those who are breaking inside. Older generations might not have had the tools or permission to express vulnerability, and that silence can echo across generations unless we consciously create new pathways forward.

How We Approach Grief at Life Rites

At Life Rites Funerals, we work to meet people where they are. For men who struggle to articulate grief, we offer gentle prompts, non-judgmental listening, and ceremony design that honours both emotion and action. That might mean:

• Encouraging storytelling, even if it starts with practical details and evolves into deeper reflection.

• Designing rituals that allow for both doing and feeling. Planting a tree, carrying the coffin, lighting a fire, writing a letter.

• Creating spaces in ceremonies for quiet honouring, not just public speaking.

• Connecting people with podcasts, writing, or grief circles where men speak openly and differently about their loss.

We’ve seen firsthand how powerful it is when men are given the space to show up as they are, not as they think they should be. And we’re continually learning, through every family, every death, every story.

The Modern Masculine Response: Sharing, Not Shouldering Alone

In recent years, the masculine response to grief has started to shift. Social media, podcasts, blogs, and online communities have created space for men to speak publicly and personally about death, loss, and vulnerability, often in ways that previous generations could not.

A man today might share a photo on Instagram of the garden he planted in memory of his partner. He might write a post about missing his dad on Father's Day or open up on a podcast about losing a child. This digital storytelling has helped normalise emotional expression and given men permission to grieve in their own voice, whether quietly, creatively, or in conversation with others.

What we’re witnessing is a slow but meaningful unravelling of the old idea that masculinity must be stoic, silent, or invulnerable. In its place, a more honest and expansive masculinity is emerging, one that allows for sadness, softness, anger, love, and growth. When men see other men sharing their experiences, it becomes easier to believe that they, too, are allowed to feel.

Resources for Exploring Grief

• Podcast: The Mourning After - Real conversations with men about death, grief, and living after loss.

• Books:
  The Wild Edge of Sorrow by Francis Weller
  Grief is a Journey by Dr. Kenneth Doka
  Man Enough by Justin Baldoni - not grief-specific, but speaks to dismantling harmful masculinity

• Organisations:

  Griefline - Grief support tailored to diverse experiences.

  Love From Dad - Website has been designed to help you to find and build your own community to help you through the grief that accompanies pregnancy or child loss as a dad.

  The Men’s Table - A space where men can talk freely, including about grief.

  MensLine Australia - A free 24/7 phone and online counselling service for Australian men, with services that include support for grief, loss, and emotional distress.

  Red Nose Grief and Loss - The Men’s Den curated articles and resources.

Final Words

Grief isn’t gendered. But the ways we are taught to grieve often are.

If you’re supporting a man who is grieving, or if you are one, remember: it’s okay to cry. It’s okay not to. It’s okay to not have words, and to find them later. Grief might show up in the garden, behind the wheel, or in the quiet of the night when everyone else is asleep.

Let’s make space for all of it. And let’s keep talking.