Navigating Grief and Loss During the Holidays
A practical embodied guide.
Grief often intensifies through the end-of-year and Christmas period. This time carries memories, expectations, and social pressure that can make your losses feel sharper, deeper and often overwhelming. What you’re experiencing, whatever it is, is understandable. Below is a gentle, realistic sense of what you may feel and how to support yourself, both practically and somatically (through the body).
Feelings You May Experience During this Xmas New Year period
You might notice one or many of these, sometimes changing day to day or hour to hour.
Emotional & Psychological
Heightened sadness or longing – missing who or what is absent more acutely.
Loneliness, even when surrounded by people.
Numbness or disconnection when others seem joyful.
Irritability or anger at the season, others, or yourself.
Anxiety about gatherings, questions, or expectations.
Guilt – for not feeling festive, or for moments of enjoyment.
Grief bursts – sudden waves triggered by music, smells, rituals.
Exhaustion from managing emotions and social performance.
Relational & Social
Feeling out of sync with the dominant “happy” narrative.
Pressure to show up as your old self.
Withdrawal, or alternately over-functioning to cope.
Physical / Somatic
Heaviness in the chest, throat, or belly.
Fatigue, disrupted sleep.
Shallow breathing.
Tight jaw, shoulders, or hips.
Changes in appetite.
None of these mean you’re “doing grief wrong.” They are signs of love and attachment.
Practical Ways to Support Yourself
Lower the Bar (Intentionally)
You are allowed to say no to events, to leave early, to skip traditions or to change plans at the last minute.
Ask yourself:
“What is the minimum I need to get through this with care?”
Plan for the Hard Moments
Grief hits hardest when we’re unprepared.
Decide in advance how long you’ll stay at gatherings.
Identify one safe person you can text or step outside with.
Give yourself an “exit line” - “I’m feeling tired—thank you for understanding.”
Create Choice Around Rituals
You might keep some traditions. You may modify them or create a new, quieter ritual.
Or if you are in early grief, you may opt out entirely this year. There is no obligation to honour traditions that hurt.
Name Your Needs (Even if Briefly)
You don’t owe explanations, but you might say:
“This season is tender for me.”
“I may need some space.”
“I appreciate your patience.”
Somatic (Body-Based) Support for Grief
Grief lives in the body. Talking mostly helps, but mainly naming and not iso much engaging with your story of your loss. The most helpful regulation happens through naming, being aware of sensation and gentle movement.
Grounding Through the Senses
When emotions spike:
Name 5 things you can see
4 things you can feel (feet in shoes, back against chair)
3 things you can hear
2 things you can smell
1 thing you can taste
This brings you back into the present moment.
Gentle Breathing (Not Deep Forcing)
Try: Inhale through the nose for 4
Exhale through the mouth for 6
Let the exhale soften your shoulders
Longer exhales tell the nervous system: “I’m safe enough right now.”
Support the Places That Hold Grief
Place a hand on your chest, or a place on your body that feels right
Apply gentle pressure and say (silently or aloud):
“This is hard, and I’m here.”
This is self-soothing at a nervous system level.
Movement That Matches the Mood
In grief our bodies have taken a physical and physiological bloc- quite literally. So we don’t need to expense more energy in exercise, perhaps a more gentle way to think of of it is that our grief needs expression: Slow walking, rocking, stretching. Shaking out hands or legs, curling up, then gently opening the body again. Let your body lead the pace.
Allow Tears Without Interpretation
Crying is not regression. It’s release. Let tears come without asking why? No fixing or no meaning-making is required
Emotional Self-Compassion Practices
Speak to yourself as you would to someone you love
Replace “I should be coping better” with
“This makes sense given what I’ve lost.”
Notice moments of ease without guilt, they don’t erase grief. You may experience moments of respite and even enjoyment, this is important and normal. Let these feelings come and pass.
A Gentle Reframe for the Season
Instead of asking How do I get through Christmas?, try something like, “How do I care for myself inside this season?”
Grief during the holidays doesn’t mean you’re failing at joy. It means you’re human, remembering, and loving. Go gently with yourself and know that support is available. Grief and love are sisters, says Francis Weller who wrote ‘The Wild Edge of Sorrow’. You may find reading about grief is powerful and supportive. Listening to podcasts, music or simply being with yourself and close people.
A Closing Reframe (For Queer Grief Especially)
You are not “too sensitive” for this season. You are carrying personal loss in a cultural landscape that often erases it. Soften and yield into you chosen family, your self and the places and ways we find affirming, quiet joy and love, even in our most intimate moments of love and loss.
Go gently people.